I was having a particularly difficult week. Work was getting me down and my life felt like it was going nowhere.
I’d recently listen to one of Jordon Peterson’s talks. He had mentioned his Self-Authoring Suite, so I decided to order it. After getting my login information, it took me about a week to actually sit down and get started.
After starting the past-authoring section, events from my past started filling my consciousness. Getting started seemed to open the floodgates to some of the deeper recesses of my mind.
I started to imagine some of the painful events in my past, as they were taking up more of my attention than I realized. This was an interesting observation. It was also strange that the positive events weren’t something I thought about often.
Writing my memories and recounting the events was helpful, as I reconsidered them in a new light. Later making observations and criticizing the events had a neutralizing effect. This is where the real value comes from.
It Isn’t Easy, In Fact, It Feels Bad
It took me a week to get through everything, as there was a lot to write about. I noticed during this time I felt horrible. At first, I didn’t understand why, but then came across a video where Jordon spoke about this side effect. It made sense to me, and I felt better after learning about it.
The exercise was taxing during the time it took to do the work. But since finishing, I’ve felt much better about the memories that used to pop into my mind. In fact, the more traumatic ones are gone, and I’ve not thought about them since.
There were also insights I had after the fact. In particular, I learned about attachment theory and how it has affected me. It appears to explain how I’ve dealt with relationships in the past.
Next, I did the present authoring, faults, and virtues. The faults module was helpful, though I found that many of my faults weren’t on the list.
While doing the virtues, I thought about who I am, what I’m good at and what I want to do. This was insightful on its own, even though it has been clear to me for a while. I’m optimistic that this program will inspire me to take more action.
After completing these, I took some time to rest and think about how to approach the future authoring. In particular, I saw two options for myself. The first is to be a writer and create a business around that. The second is technical work related to my day job.
Visions Of The Future
Then I had a dream where I met Jordan Peterson and asked him about my dilemma. He told me I should do the one that matters most.
The next day I wrote him an email asking the same question. A few minutes later I got an auto-reply saying he was busy and likely wouldn’t reply. Fifteen minutes later, at 12:34 (I’m superstitious about numbers) he replied. “If you’re going to pursue writing as a career make sure you have a good business plan because it is near impossible to monetize.”
With this advice, I went forward with the future planning.
The program is time-consuming and exhausting. But after finishing, my efforts have improved, and I am more focused than ever before. Also, I have a goal again and can see what I need to do without the baggage of the past holding me back.
I’d recommend this program for anyone who wants more self-awareness. Or needs help clearing some negative or destructive thoughts. It will also help you get a grip on what you need to do to realize some of your goals.